I don't know who.

Teenage years are for "figuring out who you are." okay, well when am I going to figure this out? To be honest, I'm not even sure myself what/who I want to be. I take that back. I know what I want to be, a band director. I'm sure everyone knows that. Maybe, what I mean is that I don't know how I want to go about it.

How do you think of me? Am I the good quiet girl who always does her homework? Am I the person who is a ton of fun to be around? The one who can make you laugh no matter what? That one kid who is just always around?

I think that I am the good quiet girl, in general. This is only because that is what I think it "right." I am this, but don't necessarily like it. I mean I do, it's just sometimes that is not what I want to be. There are a bunch of things that I would rather be. For example, I wanna be that person who is always in the middle of the circle making everyone laugh, the "life of the party." Also, sometimes I want to be a bad kid. Like, I want to skip classes, or tell a teacher off when they piss me off; maybe even cheat on a huge test. But I don't. Why is that? Because I have parents who know what they are doing, and are pretty freaking awesome at it. I would also like to be the person who walks down the hall and has to say Hi to everyone because they have so many friends.

I don't understand why I'm thinking any of this. I am perfectly content with who I am, what I do and such because as I said before, who I am is right. When I am in my group of best friends I am all of the 'people' I talked about. Could this mean that this confusion, or whatever you want to call it, is because I'm not being my true self all the time?



(I hate when I think too much)

uh-huh

GOOD NEWS: I'm wearing my retainer

BAD NEWS: This thing hurts like a mother fucker.

satisfying.

You were my friend or so I thought
But now I know, some things are better lost
I don't believe in friendships as I did once
To me, they are none but completely dunce

How my hatred runs deep
This feeling keeps me away from sleep
Why did it take so long for me to see?
All the times you willfully wronged me

Sheep in wolves disguise you were
Deserving of an Oscar for your act to care
They crushed my feelings like an ant
As they exchanged my friendship for something so scant

How you cut me so deep
My heart knows none, but to wail and weep
Why did you sell my love so cheap?
Was my friendship not good enough to keep?

Opening Night.

Today was opening night! yayyyy. I was amazing, and I had so much fun! I love knowing that my friends care as much as they do :D. After I went a la casa de Brendan for a "pasta party and small gathering" I actually wasn't antisocial and went. Who woulda thought? and I'm really glad that I did too. It was fun just like talking to people I know but just don't normally talk to. and I found out that nepo gives a great hug ;)

I got my license today, finally. I went to the store with Dana and Ari, and then picked up Shannon for a 6 minute ride around town. (which was super fun becuase I lover her!) I have plans with 4 different people this weekend. What bothers me about that is that these people have NEVER asked me to do something. But now I have a license so I can drive them. At first I was just like oh, this is cool people actually want to hang out with me. But no. I am just annoyed by that. I don't have a problem going to pick up my close friends to do stuff but really? way to make a kid feel like poop.

Annnnyyywho, Dana's basketball game is at 9. We have to leave the house at 8:30. That is in less than 7 hours from now. Oh jeeze haha

Jul09 Jul10

I have been being a really good kid the past few weeks. I am getting (semi) good grades, I've been cleaning up after myself, offering favors here and there. And it helps that I haven't been home much lately either haha :) All this "brown nosing" has paid off. My mom likes the plan!

The plan isss..... July 9th Milwaukee concert with Shannon, Dana, Ari, my mom, and Rita. Then coming home and on the 10th, Chicago concert with Shannon, and Alysha? The 11th, having no voice :D :D :D

This will be AMAZING! <3

Music.

I love music more than anything I can think of. It amazes me that listening to one song can just change my mood like that *snaps* hahaha. But seriously I was in the worst mood ever so I decided to listen to jonas song and then it was all good :)

(:

Today was the second time I saw the jonas 3-D concert experience, and I'm going again tomorrow haha. It is so wrong how much I love them, but whatever :)

Demi, oh man. Why can't I just be her? haha because really? She has great music, a great voice, and she is good friends with the love of my life lmao. I love her like times a million. btww I am learning don't forget on guitar. Pretty badass :D