Band started yesterday and it was really fun. I enjoy being in the sax section but I feel out of place haha I should be a flute. Well Lucy, Dakota, Rey, and Brittany make me want to be because they all told me they miss me haha. RMB is finna be so fun this year. and I actually think this school year is going to be fun too :D
Margarita owes me $135 and Ari acted like a freaking baby today. Since Im giving Ari sax lessons, I told her what book to get, rita still hasn't gotten it so I can't give her kid anymore lessons until she has it. Needless to say, I'm annoyed with their family. Andrea also acted like a baby so I'm done with her too lol.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
that's a big fat FUCK YOU
For the past couple weeks I have been trying to write a song because I don't know how else to control emotions. Writers get writers block when they can't think of anymore stories to write. I have song block. Only that isn't a good name for it. Because I know exactly what I want this song to be about, as cliched as it is, no words can express this.
I'm just gonna put it out there. I'm upset that *#$&% is no longer my friend because of her being jealous. WHAT THE FUCK. How can two people go from chilling all day after school and then talking on the phone at night to not speaking at all? It doesn't even make sense. She was worried that her friends liked me better than they did her. I don't even understand. I tried to make it better, I really did. I don't know what she wants from me. I'm sorry I'm so fucking awesome that people like me better than they do her. hah not really. but c'mon. I text her and all I get is, "I can't talk I'll text you later" but do I ever get a text? you bet not.
I made a new friend, and she's awesome. We played softball, it was cool. but she turned out to be *#$&%'s friend too. what do you know, *#$&% told her some untrue things about me, and the new friend hasn't texted me since.
Back when school was still going on, I wrote a crap song about this that sucked. Didn't help.
This is like the episode on Jonas I watched today. Nick couldn't write a song....until he had something to write about. I have something important to me, and I can't even write about it.
BLECH
I'm just gonna put it out there. I'm upset that *#$&% is no longer my friend because of her being jealous. WHAT THE FUCK. How can two people go from chilling all day after school and then talking on the phone at night to not speaking at all? It doesn't even make sense. She was worried that her friends liked me better than they did her. I don't even understand. I tried to make it better, I really did. I don't know what she wants from me. I'm sorry I'm so fucking awesome that people like me better than they do her. hah not really. but c'mon. I text her and all I get is, "I can't talk I'll text you later" but do I ever get a text? you bet not.
I made a new friend, and she's awesome. We played softball, it was cool. but she turned out to be *#$&%'s friend too. what do you know, *#$&% told her some untrue things about me, and the new friend hasn't texted me since.
Back when school was still going on, I wrote a crap song about this that sucked. Didn't help.
This is like the episode on Jonas I watched today. Nick couldn't write a song....until he had something to write about. I have something important to me, and I can't even write about it.
BLECH
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Bad things.
In Jazz band the other day, we did not play. I was sitting talking with Joy (I love her) and the group behind us was talking about some ridiculous things quite loudly. They were talking about a couple and how they have been dating for a little while. This group was talking about how the guy should "Tap that already and be done with it." They were also making fun of because he didn't have sex with his girlfriend. Why is it so bad to have good morals?
I like to think that I am good friends with both people of this couple. I know that neither of them are morally unstable enough to have sex just because they are dating. Joy and I discussed how it makes us feel better about our selves knowing that we surround ourselves with people who know how to not act like morons. Just getting that out there.
I like to think that I am good friends with both people of this couple. I know that neither of them are morally unstable enough to have sex just because they are dating. Joy and I discussed how it makes us feel better about our selves knowing that we surround ourselves with people who know how to not act like morons. Just getting that out there.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Friendship.
Ever since 1st grade I have went through friends like nobody knows. I always ended up being friends with the other people who got made fun of (Yes, I got made fun of a lot) example, the baby, momma's boy, that kid everyone called gay. You name it, I've been friends with them. Being associated with them meant I got made fun of even more.
When I finally found a great friend in about 3rd grade, she moved away. Her name was Shannon Perry. She always had purple ketchup in her house. That was just the way she rolled. Then after she left, I came to be friends with this girl Alyssa who lives two houses away from me. Soon, I wasn't aloud to play with her anymore because her family did some not so great things. In 5th grade, I found a friend name Meghan. Bad choice. She was the "Baby." I got so much crap for being her friend that I didn't even want to go to school anymore. I stayed friends with her until 7th grade because I couldn't take much more. Then I met this girl named "Betty" (Betty because too many people know her). She was the most immature person I have ever met, and still is. Long story behind that but we ended up not being friends. At the end of 7th grade, I met some people who I liked and weren't totaly failures at being friends. To be honest, I could have kept those friendships if I truly wanted to.
That is a problem. I was just so used to being friends with someone for a little while and then it being ended. It's like a commitment issue, but not really. When I met Brittany and Annie, I decided they were going to be different. They didn't make fun of me. We just got along and soon they were my best friends. This was in 8th grade. They still are. But I'm worried that they aren't going to be much longer. Although, I know it's not true, I feel like we are drifting apart. We just don't see each other/talk much anymore. But when we do, it's beyond amazing. I'm going to be a better friend. (At least try)
Freshman year modern world history class, Shannon became another one of my best friends. Thank God. I love being around her. We can do things like lay on my front lawn for an hour not really talking but it's just all good. She's going to be my buddy for a super duper long time (haaha).
The beginning of sophomore year I met Sarah and began to be good friends with her. It's already starting to fail. 7 1/2 months, that fast. Is it me who is a bad friend? or is it the other people? For example, Eric, I'm getting to be great friends with him but I almost don't want to just because I will probably end up not being friends with him.
When I finally found a great friend in about 3rd grade, she moved away. Her name was Shannon Perry. She always had purple ketchup in her house. That was just the way she rolled. Then after she left, I came to be friends with this girl Alyssa who lives two houses away from me. Soon, I wasn't aloud to play with her anymore because her family did some not so great things. In 5th grade, I found a friend name Meghan. Bad choice. She was the "Baby." I got so much crap for being her friend that I didn't even want to go to school anymore. I stayed friends with her until 7th grade because I couldn't take much more. Then I met this girl named "Betty" (Betty because too many people know her). She was the most immature person I have ever met, and still is. Long story behind that but we ended up not being friends. At the end of 7th grade, I met some people who I liked and weren't totaly failures at being friends. To be honest, I could have kept those friendships if I truly wanted to.
That is a problem. I was just so used to being friends with someone for a little while and then it being ended. It's like a commitment issue, but not really. When I met Brittany and Annie, I decided they were going to be different. They didn't make fun of me. We just got along and soon they were my best friends. This was in 8th grade. They still are. But I'm worried that they aren't going to be much longer. Although, I know it's not true, I feel like we are drifting apart. We just don't see each other/talk much anymore. But when we do, it's beyond amazing. I'm going to be a better friend. (At least try)
Freshman year modern world history class, Shannon became another one of my best friends. Thank God. I love being around her. We can do things like lay on my front lawn for an hour not really talking but it's just all good. She's going to be my buddy for a super duper long time (haaha).
The beginning of sophomore year I met Sarah and began to be good friends with her. It's already starting to fail. 7 1/2 months, that fast. Is it me who is a bad friend? or is it the other people? For example, Eric, I'm getting to be great friends with him but I almost don't want to just because I will probably end up not being friends with him.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
RE: I don't know who.
Today some black kids pissed me off in the hallway. To make a semi-long story short, I was polite, they were rude. I told them off, quite loudly at that. It felt great because they made me so angry, but now I ALMOST feel a little bad. Correction. I know I should feel bad, but I don't.
I want to continue this but I'm getting frustrated and my brain is starting to think. Not right now, maybe later.
I want to continue this but I'm getting frustrated and my brain is starting to think. Not right now, maybe later.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
I don't know who.
Teenage years are for "figuring out who you are." okay, well when am I going to figure this out? To be honest, I'm not even sure myself what/who I want to be. I take that back. I know what I want to be, a band director. I'm sure everyone knows that. Maybe, what I mean is that I don't know how I want to go about it.
How do you think of me? Am I the good quiet girl who always does her homework? Am I the person who is a ton of fun to be around? The one who can make you laugh no matter what? That one kid who is just always around?
I think that I am the good quiet girl, in general. This is only because that is what I think it "right." I am this, but don't necessarily like it. I mean I do, it's just sometimes that is not what I want to be. There are a bunch of things that I would rather be. For example, I wanna be that person who is always in the middle of the circle making everyone laugh, the "life of the party." Also, sometimes I want to be a bad kid. Like, I want to skip classes, or tell a teacher off when they piss me off; maybe even cheat on a huge test. But I don't. Why is that? Because I have parents who know what they are doing, and are pretty freaking awesome at it. I would also like to be the person who walks down the hall and has to say Hi to everyone because they have so many friends.
I don't understand why I'm thinking any of this. I am perfectly content with who I am, what I do and such because as I said before, who I am is right. When I am in my group of best friends I am all of the 'people' I talked about. Could this mean that this confusion, or whatever you want to call it, is because I'm not being my true self all the time?
(I hate when I think too much)
How do you think of me? Am I the good quiet girl who always does her homework? Am I the person who is a ton of fun to be around? The one who can make you laugh no matter what? That one kid who is just always around?
I think that I am the good quiet girl, in general. This is only because that is what I think it "right." I am this, but don't necessarily like it. I mean I do, it's just sometimes that is not what I want to be. There are a bunch of things that I would rather be. For example, I wanna be that person who is always in the middle of the circle making everyone laugh, the "life of the party." Also, sometimes I want to be a bad kid. Like, I want to skip classes, or tell a teacher off when they piss me off; maybe even cheat on a huge test. But I don't. Why is that? Because I have parents who know what they are doing, and are pretty freaking awesome at it. I would also like to be the person who walks down the hall and has to say Hi to everyone because they have so many friends.
I don't understand why I'm thinking any of this. I am perfectly content with who I am, what I do and such because as I said before, who I am is right. When I am in my group of best friends I am all of the 'people' I talked about. Could this mean that this confusion, or whatever you want to call it, is because I'm not being my true self all the time?
(I hate when I think too much)
Sunday, May 3, 2009
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