In my head, I see a huge oval. It's the high way and there are lots of cars on it, but there is no traffic because all the cars are going to exact same speed. Makes sense, right? When I'm doing something I love like being at marching band rehearsal or playing trumpet or chilling in a large group of awesome people, that oval is what's going on in my head. When i sit here and worry myself sick, the smooth moving cars crash and some end up on the side of the road and there is complete chaos. Once that chaos starts, I can't stop it, no matter what I do. I will sit here for hours just being lost in my thoughts. the worst part is that putting all these thoughts in my head into words helps, but I don't know how to do that. I mean I can obviously because I'm doing it now, but this doesn't even begin to cover it.
As of this moment, there is too much going through my head, it is bringing me to tears. Loneliness, a longing for something that I can't describe because I'm not too sure what it is. But something is missing. It might be a lack of self confidence, my issue with friendship, I don't know. But there is something that constantly pokes at me and for the life of me, can't figure out.
I'm a mess. Sitting here tears running down my face by myself, causing a stuffy nose, hair a mess, disgustingly dirty room, music blaring in my ears, alarm set for 8 am, which is about 2 hours, homework not done, school starts tomorrow, a 6 hour shift at work. I can't do it anymore.
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